Raging Memories
by Ren Oosaki
Summary: What if Mamoru and Usagi had discovered one another's secrets in a different way? Mamoru wants nothing to do with Usagi OR Sailor Moon. The only one he can think of is the princess in his dreams. However, Usagi must deal with his unrequited love.
1. Chapter 1

Don t look at me Your eyes speak loud enough You ve won before But will not now

You know Yet couldn t be farther from the truth To you, I am forever stained I am not some sick dog for you to put down

I see that jagged blade you hide Beneath smiles and robes It does too much more than protect For who can argue with such an edge?

The utter pompous indignation The grossly swelling ego If I m not one of YOU I m one of THEM

You damn me, denounce me Tell me you won t love me Tell me I m nothing, go ahead!  
>You seem to think it s Him or me<p>

You would wound me for your beliefs Pat yourself on the back and tell yourself, It s a pity E But it is I who is tossed aside Such violence where I am so tender!

You speak nonsense so blindly You cannot bear what you don t even understand

But worry not!

For I will always love you With all of my black little heart E

There was nothing; only the world we visit from time to time to experience our darkest and most joyous moments. Unfortunately, the void was beginning to thin, revealing lush scenery. This place... a garden. A fountain stood in the center a few paces away. Upon closer inspection, strange symbols, reminiscent of ancient runes, covered the simple ornament and gave the impression that they were not there to simply be decorative. Imposing pillars and stairways, crafted from the purest alabaster marble, rose from the soft emerald grass and led to several entrances to what looked to be a lavish palace, laid out in an eliptical shape. Upon one of the spires, high above, was the image of a waning moon. Or could it have been waxing?  
>I gazed finally at the array of flowers and botanicals meant to be the centerpiece. The garden was filled with every color imaginable: violets littered the ground, daisies around the fountain, tulips lined the castle walls, and wisteria, in it's lavender splendor, draped over the arbors and wrapped themselves around the marble rails. As I surveyed the delicate plants and their fragrances, a strange feeling compelled me to take another look. "There's no red..." I whispered inaudibly. An obvious thought occured to me. "No roses." I felt there was some sort of significance to this, but could not place it. The garden seemed suddenly lacking. A rustling noise brought me from my reverie, and I spied a flash of pearly silk up in the balcony that overlooked this vision of mother nature's art. Without hesitation, I sprinted up the nearest stairway to the subject of my curiosity. She stood, staring listlessly into the night sky. I couldn't help but notice that her hair was done up in elaborate pigtails. The tendrils that protruded fell in helpless waves of cornsilk upon the ground, even though they had been bound into two buns high on the back of her head. My cheeks grew warm as my eyes travelled down her slender neck and bare shoulders, but came to rest upon the bodice that cinched her flowing gown at the chest. It was wonderfully beaded with milky white beads, precious gems, and thread spun from gold. Cheeks once again ablaze, I looked lower, only to stifle a chuckle at the the girlish bow that rested above her... at the lowest portion of her waist on an otherwise mature dress. Surprisingly, she held in one beautiful, delicate hand a rose as deep as blood. She sighed sadly, once more gaining my attention. "Please..." she breathed. I dared not move. After a time, she turned to face me. A haze of glittering light seemed to spread across her features. Something flashed on her forehead, and the shimmering tears upon her cheeks were the last things I saw. I stretched forth my hand to her as the void returned.<p>

"Such an empty little child..."

The words resounded harshly in my mind, my body reeling as if from physical pain. I found myself gasping for breath and touched my fingers to my throat. The pressure allowed me to regain my composure, and I reached for my alarm clock. The crimson, digital numbers burned my eyes at first, but when they adjusted, I read three in the morning.  
>"Spectacular," I grumbled.<p>

Running a careful hand through my sleek, midnight black locks,  
>I was overcome by the absolute hopeless feeling that had plagued me the entire day. My auto-pilot was leading me somewhere. Somewhere I hoped to find solace from my own grim mood. I looked up at last to see where my feet had led me. "Thank god it's Friday..." I muttered crossly. Utterly drained, I lumbered into the Krowne Karaoke Bar, not meeting the gaze of its owner.<br>"Mamoru-kun!" Motoki shouted cheerfully. I slid into my usual spot at the counter with a groan. Apparently, this reaction confused the poor turtle-loving clerk. "What's eating you?" I simply glared at him blankly. However, that smile of his never ceased to smash my defenses.  
>"Ever feel like something is just missing?" I mumbled through my arm, which my face was now resting on. I sensed his evil grin immediately and snapped my eyes up to his. Sure enough, a broad, evil smile was plastered to lips.<br>"SomeTHING or someONE?" he giggled girlishly. I sighed inwardly. 'Not another match-maker Motoki attempt...' I thought sourly.  
>"Motoki... I've told you," I intoned, as always. "I'm not interested. In anyone." He frowned in concentration. I could almost imagine the girls he was pairing me up with in his mind. "What did I say? No girl we know could make me happy." With those words, the little bell above the door tinkled merrily, announcing the arrival of a Krowne regular. Before me, Motoki yelled, "Welcome!" to his customer, but there was extra enthusiasm that he reserved for only two people. 'Please let it be that Makoto girl...' I prayed silently. Fighting the urge to check, I remained still, forehead resting on my hands.<br>"Hi, Motoki-san!" she cried energetically. 'That voice...' I trembled. 'It's her...'  
>"Hey, Usagi-chan," Motoki ventured. "Mamoru is feeling a little down today. Mind trying to cheer him up?" For some reason, the thought enraged me. As I attempted to harness my fury, I felt a small hand on my shoulder. I squeezed my eyes shut in a final attempt to calm myself, but to no avail. I whirled around and struck her arm away, causing her to flinch back noticeably in fear.<br>"Don't touch me!" I screamed. The two fell silent, as the faint sound of people singing and insanely loud music drifted from the sound-proof booths behind us. Usagi stood with her ebony hair up in pigtails, her deep eyes unsure. I smirked at her uniform, which consisted of a long blue pleated skirt and sailor top. In one hand, she carried her school satchel, several charms and keychains adorning it; the other was clutched to her chest as if to protect it from further injury. Why did she always have to be so happy?  
>"Mamoru, I was just trying to-" she began forcefully.<br>"Don't!" I interrupted vehemently. Motoki blanched. "What would some stupid kid know about it?" Shoving past her, I stormed out of the Krowne. Happy to finally be rid of her, I didn't hear the automatic doors hiss as she came out after me. "What is your problem?" she yelled angrily. Instead of answering, I continued walking, not once slowing. "Mamoru!" she cried,  
>beginning to sound concerned. All doubt drained from her, she thundered past me and stood in my path. "What do you want?" I asked through gritted teeth. She smiled with such innocence that I couldn't help but look her straight in the eyes. They were so dark, so clean. Nothing tumultuous churning in them. It was simply serene... I could only wonder what she saw when she looked into my eyes. Hate? Fear? Lonliness? "Are you alright? It can't be that bad..." she replied unknowingly. My eyes narrowed dangerously. "Leave me alone."<p>

After having stripped myself down to my boxers, I tossed my rather snug khakis and black t-shirt over the arm of my office chair. The chill of my apartment sank in, forcing me to pull on a pair of dark grey lounge pants. I proceeded to collapse onto the king-size bed that I insisted upon having, though I haven't shared it with anyone in a very long time. My body settled comfortably in the heavy down comfortor and thick cotton sheets, but my mind would not follow suit. The worst of it was that I was still upset. 'How dare she console me like that? Like I was some kid...' It's amazing how those who have so much to be happy about in their lives seem to think that no one else has the right to be angry, depressed, or afraid. She, who has everything: a caring family, countless friends, good looks... A beauty within that is unparalleled.  
>'God! Why does she have to be such a child? Evil exists, my dear Usagi,' I thought dryly. 'It resides right here!' I touched my chest gingerly, not wanting to believe myself. Unfortunately, there was nothing more to become.<br>My thoughts were interrupted by a voiceless screaming in my head. The sound tore through my temples and stopped at the ears, where an eerie ringing was left. For a moment, I was disoriented, but as I collected myself, I realized that I knew this pain.  
>I dragged my gaze, emotionless and empty, to my balcony double doors. Standing abruptly, I shuffled purposefully to stand before them. My hand ran down the cool glass to the wrought iron handles. With a flick of the wrist, the door was thrown open and the gauzy curtains flew to and fro in the wind. I clenched my eyelids closed and felt the warmth in my belly spread to the rest of my body. A pristine tuxedo was willed into form, and when I eased my eyes open again, I was clad in a starched dress shirt, tux, top hat, and cloak. The white masquerade mask clutched in my right hand found its way immediately to my face. 'As soon as it goes on,' I thought wistfully, 'I can be someone else, even if only for a night at a time.' Just as I reached for the balcony handrail, the wind caught the hat, and it tumbled to the floor. Growling, I decided to do without it for the time being. After a second thought, I removed the cape from my shoulders and threw it childishly at the bed. I returned my attention to the night air beyond the apartment, and deftly leapt from the balcony to the next building. For the second time this day, I was following whatever part of me decided to lead.<p>

"Sailor Moon..."


	2. Chapter 2

My feet pounded harshly on the soft earth as I attempted to locate my charge. Charge... I knew she was more than that, but couldn't seem to come up with a more suitable term. What else was there, for that matter? Friend? Companion? Competition? Lover...? Certainly not! Such a relationship seemed doomed from the beginning. After all, for the time being, we sought the same prize: the Imperial Silver Crystal. Not even the respect nor the bond I shared with her would save her from my insatiable ambition. No one would keep me from the companionship I had been promised. No one...

Rounding a corner, I felt the ground give a little as the lush grass became loose gravel; a narrow avenue running between two proud lines of spruce. Far in the distance, I could make out movement. In a matter of seconds, the air pulsed and sizzled with electricity, and was followed by a rather audible explosion. Gingerly, I smoothed out my hair, which had foofed due to the static, and received a very unpleasant zap to the thumb. My suspicions had been confirmed.

As I hurried my pace, I began to notice the pleasant feeling of the chilly, early fall wind ripping at my unbound hair, the absence of that heavy cape. Grateful for the simple, sudden tantrum I had thown on the balcony, I couldn't stop the grin that spread itself across my lips. Unfortunately, as quickly as it had come, a heart wrenchingly piercing scream erased it.

At last, they came into view. A shapely young female youma jumped into my line of vision. She wore what looked to be a very festive summer kimono with bright splashes of reds, blues, and pink sakura blossoms. Her earthy black locks were pinned in an ornate bun and little loose tendris fell in curls upon her bare shoulders. If it hadn't been for her sea-foam green hued skin, I would have taken her for a very lovely Japanese festival-goer. Pure malice dripped from her periwinkle-colored eyes as she pulled a wounded Venus up by her gloriously golden hair. Great, I thought wryly. The one senshi who is of help to me in every battle is now out of service. Apparently, simply a bump to the head and a trickle of crimson blood was not enough to sate this demoness's hunger. With a playful wave of her free hand, a bladed fan came to rest upon the beautiful Senshi of Love's neck. The other soldiers gasped as one.

This day just keeps going from bad to worse, I thought through gritted teeth, my temper ever on the rise. Clenching my fists did not seem to alleviate my frustration. "No one's going to make a move?" the youma giggled in surprise. "How droll... On with it, then!"

Before I knew what I was doing, I lunged, furious at the girls' inaction in addition to my own sour mood. I screamed in rage as I barreled into the chest of the unsuspecting youma. Thankfully, her only reply was a pained gasp. At first. Venus was dropped immediately, now unimportant, and her friends gathered her up with whispers of relief. I became the new target. Spreading her stance, the youma stood poised to attack. Her expression held not only contempt, but curiosity and an ample dose of amusement. Regrettably, I just didn't like the smirk on her face.

"You picked the wrong day, honey!" I spat as I jumped at her. She tried to dodge, but I anticipated her movements precisely and landed a grievous punch to her left cheek. Not stopping there, I swung around to give her a well-aimed roundhouse kick to the hip. However, my attack glanced off her and she dropped to the ground to sweep at my ankles. "Shit!" I cursed, landing on the jagged pebbles. With a grunt, I flipped backwards, not allowing my body to stay on the ground for more than a moment, and away from her. She was still gasping for breath when I rushed her once more. This time, I launched a flurry of punches at her. A hit to the shoulder, a hit to the stomach, another to the chin. I was lost in this storm of anger. I couldn't stop attacking. With each hit, I recalled everything that had gone wrong that day. Waking up much too early, falling back asleep finally only to wake up much too late, no time for breakfast, car wouldn't start, missed the express train, got off at the wrong stop, missed the pop quiz, cringed at an awful grade on a paper that was handed back, no lunch because I forgot my wallet... And then the spat with Usagi, which enraged Motoki, no doubt. Everything I had, I took it out on this now thrashed demoness of the Dark Kingdom. It was a sick pleasure, really. Knowing that I could vent in such a way and no one could or would stop me. How unlucky for this youma...

As I came out of my daze, I realized that I now held the bloody, female form up by the neck. Furthermore, to my astonishment, my hands wrapped around her delicate flesh were beginning to squeeze. This, I knew I shouldn't do, but I couldn't will my fingers to let go.

It felt too liberating!

"Tuxedo Kamen!" Sailor Moon cried hoarsely. I loosened my grip and turned my gaze to the proud warrior of the Moon. Tears fell in continuous rivulets down her rosy cheeks. Her eyes were a blur, but I knew they were pleading with me to stop. She began to tremble when I didn't let go. "Please! She's human inside!" she begged, taking a step toward me. Her statement shocked me as the truth of it sank in. Just as my grip lessened, I heard the youma screech heatedly. I whipped my head back and was met with her hate-filled eyes as she struck my temple. This successfully knocked my mask away from the bridge of my nose. Livid, I threw her to the ground and cast my arm over my exposed face. A tiny trickle ran bitterly down my forehead and onto my coat sleave, adding injury to insult.

"Sailor Moon! Take care of it!" I bellowed nastily. The familiar incantation echoed around me, followed by a final scream from the enemy. Assured that the deed was done, I tried to back up and escape before questions could be asked. This proved quite difficult without my sight, and luckily I ran into a tree behind which to hide until I could retrieve my mask.

"Was that really Tuxedo Kamen?" Mercury queried quietly. They're talking about me? I thought inquisitively.

"I don't know..." answered Mars hesitantly. "He almost... enjoyed it..." A pang of apprehension quickly engulfed me. I don't like where this is going... I thought worriedly.

"I don't know. I thought he kicked ass! Wish I'd done it!" Jupiter beamed.

"But he could've killed that woman!" the Aqua senshi reasoned. "We now know that he is capable of being dangerous..."

"Not that this isn't terribly intriguing, but we need to get Minako away from death's door," suggested the fiery-tempered warrior. After a slight toss of her violet hair, she motioned for the others to help her heave Sailor Venus up from off of the rocky path and out of sight.

"If you guys don't mind," Sailor Moon whispered quietly, "I need to head home." Her eyes were downcast and sheepish. I clutched myself tighter to the tree trunk, for fear that the shadows that hid me would betray me to the light of the moon. My mask was just out of reach, beyond this very tree. As soon as they're gone... I thought hopefully.

"Jeez! Just because you live on the other side of town from all of us doesn't mean you should ditch your injured comrade!" Mars growled.

"Oh, come on, Mars. That was a little harsh," Jupiter chided carefully. Obviously, she agreed with her friend to some degree.

"It's alright," Mercury assured. "Three of us is more than enough to carry her home."

"Be careful, okay?" the emerald senshi warned. With that, the sound of three retreating warriors reached my ears. She lives in the opposite direction... I wondered silently. Suddenly, my mind caught up with my ears. I'm in the opposite direction!

I dove gracelessly to the spot I remembered seeing the mask only to trip on a root that extended upward. As I fell face-first into the dirt, I heard a timid giggle behind me. I knew whose it was.

"Are, are you alright?" I felt a gentle, gloved hand touch my shoulder and reacted on impulse as annoyance exploded in me.

"I told you! Don't touch me, Usagi!" I cried as I spun and knocked her comforting touch away. Before me, she stood shaking violently, my mask dangling from her fingers. Realization hit me; much too late.

"Ma... Mamoru?" she gasped softly. She took an unsteady step backward. She'd better not run... She still had my mask!

"God damnit!" I swore callously at her. "How could you? WHY did you?" I snarled. She backed up again, trembling once more, but I pursued. Her eyes were wide in horror, and she dropped the mask.

"You're... you're bleeding...!" she whimpered, desperate for a way out. Sure enough, when I reached up to touch my forehead, my fingers returned stained with my own blood. Also, because I had interrupted the flow, it now coursed down my face, over my eyebrow. A sick feeling came over me as I felt a drop dribble into my left eye, casting the world into a crimson shade.

"Shut up!" I shouted deafeningly. This sudden burst knocked her to the ground. "Answer me!" I paused. She wasn't even seeing me anymore, so blinded by terror she was. After a moment, a sob escaped her moist lips, and she dragged herself further away from me, clawing at the earth to further her efforts. This was the one I respected? Even looked up to? How pitiful she looked to me now! And yet, strangely, I felt ashamed of myself. Though she had ruined my day twice now, the latter of the two much more serious than the first, she had done it out of concern.

"Please...!Don't hurt me!" she wept.

"Christ..." I sighed in defeat. Carefully, I knelt down beside her and placed my hand on her thigh. She blushed, but did not calm. In fact, she flinched at the contact. "I'm not going to hurt you..." I reflected a moment. "Where do you live?"

"Ne, near Juuban," she chattered. I couldn't have frightened her this much! A thought occurred to me.

"De-transform." It surprised her.

"What?"

"Do it, or I'll make you." She shook her head uncertainly, and this was my cue. My hand shot toward her brooch. Taking a firm hold of it, I gave it a little squeeze. She squealed in fear and grabbed my hand, trying to pry it off with both of her tiny ones. Unfortunately it was too late. Her uniform and skirt dissolved into shimmering pink ribbons swirling about her supple form before fading into a bathrobe. As I had thought...

"Your hair is wet," I accused. Her transformation hid this fact well, but I had myself dashed out of my apartment to help the senshi immediately following a shower many a time, and therefore knew the symptoms.

"I was taking a shower...!" she said in her defense.

"I know." Her long ebony tresses, her true hair color, were already frozen, and her lips were turning blue. "Show me where you live. I'll take you home. Your family can nurse you." She tore her gaze from my eyes to the white masquerade mask laying forgotten on the grass.

"No one is home..." she breathed. What? I thought frantically.

"Where are they?" She firmly closed her glistening eyes, hiding her shame.

"They went on a trip to visit family." I decided that here and now was not the atmosphere to be talking about such things. Disappointment ravaged me until I felt raw. Nothing else could be done...

"Then you're coming with me," I mumbled incoherently. She let out a tiny cry as I gathered her and the mask up into my arms, but quieted instantly. I took off with all the momentum I could muster, sprinting many times the speed of a normal human. When I leapt to the top of the first building we encountered, she struggled to recover herself with the robe. As she did this, I noticed that she didn't even have shoes or slippers. A shake of the head redirected my mind to the task at hand.

At length, we reached the balcony from which I had descended not even an hour earlier.

"Fff..." I began. The doors had been left open when I had gone out. It could very well be as cold inside as out.

"Fff...?" Usagi trailed in confusion. Then her eyes lit up with recognition. "You weren't going to say..."

"Fudge," I lied, peering into her eyes. "Want some?" The offer was meant half-heartedly, though I wasn't sure she got that part of it. Stepping into the apartment, it became apparent that I should have closed my balcony doors.


End file.
